


A Very (Very) Short Loki Choose-Your-Own-Adventure

by sepia_sigyn



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: -Ish, All in the name of crack though, And one instance of gun violence, And one mention of alcohol, Choose Your Own Adventure, Crack, Gen, Mild amusement to soothe the stress, One Shot, Rated T for language, Sunday scaries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22763818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sepia_sigyn/pseuds/sepia_sigyn
Summary: What it says on the tin.
Relationships: Kinda - Relationship, Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Kudos: 17





	A Very (Very) Short Loki Choose-Your-Own-Adventure

You are a regular Jane with a regular job. Today’s the last day of your long weekend. It’s 7 AM. Where do you go?

A. Beach!

B. Coffee shop!

C. Comic book store!

D. Meh…I’ll stay home.

\--

If A:

The beach is quiet this time of day. There are a few joggers, folks walking their dogs. The surf laps at the shoreline and you decide to swipe off your shoes and take a sandy little stroll. The sun warms you, the salt air takes your mind miles away from your workweek. You close your eyes, taking in the softs sounds of waves and sea birds.

 _Pardon me dear_. A voice breathes behind you. _But do y-_

You:

E: Do a roundhouse kick and hit that fool in the face! Who creeps up on people like that? Someone who’s up to no good, that’s who.

F: Turn around and smile. You hope you can help!

G: Keep your eyes closed and ignore the voice.

D: Meh…I’ll go home.

\--

If E:

_Ouuahhf!_

The body you just flung halfway down the shore is tall and heavy, but you’re well-prepared for moments like these.

He doesn’t move. You run.

The rest of your day goes well, if uneventful.

_Good ending – stay safe out there, please!_

If F:

You say in your sweetest client-facing voice, “Can I help you?”

A tall, black haired, pale-skinned man looms above you. His eyes are shiny. He tilts his head and blinks.

“You’d like to…help…me?”

You sit down and pat a space next to you. The man plops down next to you and, for the next nine hours, he pours his heart out.

Sometimes you struggle to keep up with the narrative he’s spinning – something about a father and brother and his true heritage and destroying Asgard and attacking New York…but you listen and offer your shoulder when he breaks down and sobs.

As the sun sets, the man kisses the back of your hand and shouts “Shark!”

When you turn back around, he’s gone.

Ah. But a day well spent caring for an ailing soul in this cruel, cruel universe.

_Good ending – kindness is key!_

If G:

You inhale and-

SMACK.

Darkness.

You ded.

_Poor ending – stay woke!_

\--

If B:

You order your usual and grab a sunny spot by the window.

Ah. Freedom. You cherish every moment you have.

Sipping slowly, you gaze outside and watch the passersby.

“WHAT THE!”

Suddenly, there’s a grown ass man with his face pushed against the window staring right at you!

You:

H: Yell “Hey, fucker, can you not?”

I: Stare right back at him.

J: Take out a gun and shoot him in the face.

D: Say “meh” and go back home.

\--

If H:

The entire coffee shop stares at you. When you turn and point – the man is gone!

You laugh and leave awkwardly, clutching your beverage.

Well, at least you got a few blissful moments in.

_Poor ending – Tricksters gonna trick!_

If I:

He stares harder!

And you stare right back, harder still!

After about 5 minutes of this, the man rolls his eyes and comes into the shop.

He slips into the seat next to you and says, in the silkiest voice you’ve ever heard, “Well, now, what are we drinking today? Never mind that.”

He waves his hand and there is now a fancy ass goblet filled with some sort of boozy concoction sitting in front of each of you. One of the baristas glares in the man’s direction.

You take a sip – it’s heavenly, and you can’t even taste the alcohol (unless you’re into that – then you can taste it _loads_ ).

You sit in silence, sipping away. Finally, he speaks.

“How would you like to be my queen?”

“Your………..what?”

And, just like that, you become the paramour of an alien trickster prince.

_Good ending – stay strong!_

If J:

Uh, you shoot him and he dies. Or at least appears to die as far as you know.

Wtf though? Did you really have to do that? Geez…well, okay. Some of you don’t care for him much, I get it.

_Medium ending – always be true to yourself!_

\--

If C:

You’re lucky enough to live in a town with a 24/7 comic book store. You greet the owner and head straight for the $1 bin. You loved making unexpected discoveries there within.

As you thumb through the stacks of books you come across one that looks like it has a hologram on the front. The blue-green eyes of the figure in the hologram, a tall, lanky, black-haired man with a horn-tiara on his head, almost seem to move and stare at you as you examine it.

You:

K: Flip through the pages of the book to see more.

L: Ask the owner about it.

M: Lick the picture of the handsome man on the cover.

D: Drop that shit and run the fuck home.

\--

If K:

As you flip through the pages, you become engrossed in the story. A planet of warriors. A sad little mage man. A mean ol’ daddy. A kind-hearted mommy. A dark and painful secret.

On the last page, there’s a gorgeous drawing of the man, the one you’ve come to know.

It winks at you.

You glance around you and gasp.

You’re not in the shop anymore! But in what looks like a throne room. Gold everywhere. Hundreds of people dressed in middle aged robes and armor, cheering.

And, in front of you, the man himself, fully clad in his own elaborate armor. Holding a hammer high above his head.

Again, his eyes meet yours and he winks.

“You freed me from that insidious canon of lies, moral. I am forever in your debt.”

You blink. Then nod. Then smile. Then cheer along with the crowd.

He reaches his hand out to you. You take it.

_Best ending – stay curious!_

If L:

“That’s, that’s not a good one. Trust me, you don’t want to go there.”

You arch an eyebrow. The owner was usually forthcoming with you on recommendations but this seems a bit harsh.

“You sure?” You ask.

They nod.

You shrug, drop the book back in the bin, pick out some other options, pay, and go home to bury your nose in your new discoveries for the rest of the day.

_Medium ending – always trust your instincts!_

If M:

It. Moans.

You scream, drop the book, run out into the street and get hit by a car.

RIP.

Sorry.

_Poor ending – thirst kills!_

well.………..unless you’re thirsty for an actual sorcerer.

The hologram man runs out to the street, grabs you, holds his hand over your chest and you come back to life.

You gasp.

“What happened? Wait, you're-”

He smirks.

“We’re going on a little trip, pet. **_Get us now!_** ”

And, just like that, you’re in _space_.

As you fly through the cosmos together, the hologram man grasps your hand and squeezes it tight. You lock eyes. 

He pulls you close. His cheek against yours.

Then he sticks out his tongue...

...and licks _you_.

_Super best ending – stay thirsty, my friends!_

\--

If D:

You make a bowl of cereal, flip on the Netflix and cue up your current binge. Ten hours later, your day off is over. You groan, rise to cook dinner and start preparing for the week ahead. You wonder if maybe you’d made a different choice, things would’ve gone differently for you. You sigh and head to the kitchen. _Try again_.


End file.
